A delay in processing (in more ways than one)

Just in case you're wondering...we're still waiting for our license to be finalized. Last week we went to the mailbox only to discover that my fingerprints for my background check came back again from the state as "unable to process" by the State Patrol offices. It appeared they were too smudged to process yet AGAIN. Therefore, in a lapse of cognitive recognition that this IS after all, under God's control and He is the one running the show, I flew into a rage of frustration that once again I would have to go into the police station to get my fingerprints done. I mean, I just didn't have time for this - I had better things to do like go to the gym, take my daughter to swim lessons, give her a haircut, clean the house, treats to bake for dance class. I didn't want to be burdened with this chore that would take time away from my day. The letter the prints were returned with said I needed to go back to the original place I had them done but in doing so I knew they would be rejected for probably a third time because this person was not experienced enough to get clear enough prints. This was obvious to me as this was the second time they had come back after I had already gone back to that original place once before.

And so, with the frustration of knowing this was delaying the entire process I set out to a sheriff office in a nearby town to get my prints redone, only to have them turn me away at the door telling me I had to get them done in my home town. This of course was not the truth as Brian didn't have his done in our hometown originally and his went through with flying colors. I simply figured they just didn't want to do it and so they fed me a line to get me to go away. Nevertheless they wouldn't print me which only added to my frustration level. I went home and flew into a fit of tears while on the phone with my poor husband because this seemingly just wasn't going right. Why did it have to be so hard to just get a decent set of prints done?! Why was this becoming such a pain?! Why can't this just get done right and we get licensed?! I decided to call the foster license office to verify that I could actually go somewhere else and they confirmed that I could. And so, after deciding my day was pretty much shot as far what I had planned on doing, I headed south to another larger city nearby to get the prints redone there. After getting there it seemed I just couldn't win when I was informed they didn't take checks (it cost $10 to get fingerprinted) so Big Sis and I had to trek 2 blocks to an ATM at the courthouse. Finally, after much frustration, I finally got what looked like to be a good set of prints and dropped them off at the licensing office in person hoping to speed the process along. (note the desire to control the situation and therefore lacking the awareness that I am NOT in control - God is!)

So, the week progressed on and the crisis was soon over although my handling of it was certainly not one I could report as being a stellar example of peace in the midst of chaos. However, today at church I had a bit of an awakening. I was reminded once again that God is so full of mercy, grace and love. For He loves me even when I myself, am so ignorant of my lack of faith, and He loves me enough to gently point it out to me in a way in which I can recognize it, repent of it and release it unto Him. I realized today that God is Sovereign over every aspect of my life. And that because those fingerprints came back to me to do for a third time, there is a reason, even though I don't see it yet. As I look back at a mere 6 days ago and realize that instead of getting mad I should have been praising God for stepping in a delaying the process. For He knows where this is going and I do not. He knows the end result and I do not. And because of that the fingerprints needed to take longer. Maybe the child He has for us isn't even born yet and therefore it needs to take a little longer for His timing to play out. Maybe...I don't know. But He does and at this point I am just so grateful that although it took me a week, I now see He is working even when I think He isn't. I realize now I have even more growing to do than I thought. I'm grateful that He is working in me and helping me to see where my faith is weak. I'm a work in progress that's for sure and I will continue learning, that I'm even more sure. I'm just so grateful I have the best Teacher one could have.

Thank you Lord that you are Sovereign over every aspect of my life. I pray that I will remember this every day as I walk with you. Thank you for your grace, your mercy and above all your love. ~ Amen